The Mad You Feel
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash
Rediscovering Self Control
What do you do, with the mad that you feel? When you feel so mad you could bite?
Recently, I have been so angry. Angry at the world. When the whole wide world seems oh so wrong…
Upset about the pandemic, about feeling trapped. Tired of being in a state that seems like aimlessness. Worried about parenting all wrong because I am often the “mean mommy” I never imagined I would be. As I have two young kids, I watch a lot of children’s shows. One of the shows that we watch is called “Mr Roger’s Neighborhood”.
An incredible gift through that show is a song called “What Do You Do with the Mad You Feel?” It is a song about being angry and how it is possible to control it. I wrote the lyrics of this song throughout this post in bold and italics because Jesus is using it to remind me of Jesus’ truths.
“Peace I leave you”, said Jesus to his friends at the dinner table. Whereas, at my dining room table, I sometimes feel like all that is within me is out-of-control, roller-coaster, mean feelings. In the country where I live with my family, we are trapped in a tiny flat that is seeming to shrink more and more by the day. We cannot go out in nature or take a walk in fresh air due to the strict laws in our country related to COVID-19 and specifically to distance ourselves for a bit from the many families who have the virus in our neighborhood.
Thinking about what we cannot do and do not have also brings up frustration because I know so many people have it worse. Our family friend in Cameroon talks about lockdown as if it were a normal thing. He and his family have had a civil war keeping them indoors for the past three years, staying inside to avoid their villages being pillaged. So, then, what really is my problem?
Well, there are feelings, founded or unfounded, that are affecting my behavior and mood. They are real feelings.
Think about yourself. Do you feel like everything outside of you is wrong? The news reports show pandemic, death, people fighting over medical supplies, hoarding, genocides, political banter and unkindness, greed, racism, and overall selfishness and pride.
How do you cope?
Then, what about inside you? What are you allowing to thrive inside? Doubt, worry, fear, anger? If I am honest, much of what is in me in response or in action related to the circumstances in the world currently is not right. Even on a “good” day, I allow stress, hunger, anxiety, fear and anger to manipulate the way I treat myself and others. I was wondering about this one day and in a cry for help, asked Jesus what to do next.
In the book of James, Jesus says to confess our sins to each other. In response to Him, I shared the feelings of anger, withdrawal, and the other emotions that are hurting me and others with a close friend on the phone one night. She mentioned self-control. I thought at first, “Oh, I am OK with self-control. I am not a maniac who explodes with anger nor am I unkind to people.” So I nodded and listened, letting it soak in. I thought it was a nice “idea”. I did not think much about it at the time.
And nothing you do seems very right…
What do you do? Do you punch a bag?
Do you pound some clay or some dough?...
Then I truly pondered and reflected on this fruit of the Spirit over the next few days. It kept coming up in my Spirit. I considered my actions over the past few months: I explode at my kids many times during the week; I keep a record of my husband’s wrongdoings of the past. Sometimes, I take discipline too far when my eldest child misbehaves. I even dream about running away, as if I were a small child, fed up with her parents. I dream of running away from the pandemic and running away from life in general.
My excuses:
It is a pandemic.
I cannot do what I want to, the government will not let me.
The world is unsafe, this is no time to be calm.
Life is too hard right now…
Putting pressure on my children is normal when I am stressed!
Is this behavior an example of me practicing self-control? No, not at all.
It's great to be able to stop
When you've planned a thing that's wrong,
And be able to do something else instead…
It is up to me, in the Spirit, to make choices in how to find control and peace. He offers it; it is within us.
I can stop when I want to
Can stop when I wish
I can stop, stop, stop any time…
I have been singing this children song over the past few days to myself. It reminds me that even though I feel out of control, Jesus is allowing me to control some parts of me. Here is what I am re-learning and putting into action on a deeper level:
Jesus can do more than we imagine! He can do immeasurably more, including bringing gentleness out of me in a stressful time. Paul writes in Ephesians 3:16-19 from prison to encourage others who are not in prison, “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. . . that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. . .[He] is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. . .” (Bold is my alteration)
Jesus can give us control to respond kindly in response to rude behavior from anyone. In Proverbs 25:21-22 it reminds us, “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head,and the Lord will reward you.” I have the ability to use kind behavior in a response to unkind behavior.
Jesus can draw us to Him even when we feel alone or not alone but lonely, if we just surrender ourselves to accept it. “. . .So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”Isaiah 41:9-11 He is holding us in trials of all kinds, just as He did with Israel.
Jesus can make a “chaotic world” seem empowering to us by thoughts being shifted, even in death or persecution, even in pandemics and daily struggles. We are more than victorious in Him. “As it is written: ‘For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. . .” Romans 8:36
And know that the feeling is really mine.
Know that there's [a Spirit] deep inside
That helps us become what we can.
Jesus reminds me that many of my responses are based on fleshly needs - sleep, hunger, pain, not seeing much sunshine, no access to a tangible church body or community. It’s OK to know that the feeling is real. That it is real to feel anxious, exhausted, angry, frustrated and isolated in a bizarre time as this, where everyone in the world is not doing what once was their normal routine.
However, it is not an excuse to let our flesh dictate what we do. If we are really following Jesus, then let Him lead. Let His fruit command and manage. I can take deep breaths before speaking, I can react slowly and carefully. I can listen more and respond less. I can take time to see people for their hurt rather than focus on my own. Because His amazing power is within us. He will not control us but He gives us the Spirit to show us how to utilize one of His precious gifts, self-control, so that we can experience the incredible things he can do - beyond what we can imagine. Let self-control be our song in this time.
Reflections:
How do you manage emotions that are causing sin?
What Bible verse helps you maintain self-control and overall peace?
Citations
Rogers, Fred M. “What Do You Do with the Mad You Feel” 1968. The Neighborhood Archive, All Things Mister Rogers http://www.neighborhoodarchive.com/music/songs/what_do_you_do.html
Kira Day is an international field worker who, along with her family, has lived in 3 different countries in the past 11 years. She loves seeing Jesus in the eyes of different cultures as well as making Him and His gospel accessible to all peoples, especially the neglected. She and her husband sparked a church planting movement in an unreached and unengaged people group in Asia where they currently live.
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