The Act of Surrendering
Photo by Alejandro Villa via Unsplash
God’s grace is experienced differently by each one of us.
“A bruised reed he will not break,” Isaiah 42:3. This verse best describes the gentleness and love of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that I have recently received.
I was meditating on Jeremiah 29:10-14 and specifically verse 11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” NLT. I spoke out the words as if it was God speaking them to me and after a while He asked if I believed them, to which I responded, “No, I do not believe”. He further asked, “Why?”, and I said, “Because I have wanted things and my status to change and you have not yet done so.”
I reminded Him of the major wants of 2019, 2020 and 2021 that He did not give me. Masked in all these wants was an innate need to belong. The close-knit community that I was part of came to an end in 2018 and I have never been able to connect to others as I did this community. I’m not sure if it’s for self-preservation or because I have not made the effort. However, I tried other things: in 2019, I wanted work colleagues, in 2020, I wanted marriage and 2021, I wanted out; an escape, a new beginning.
In a short period of time I saw the two plus years in a new light, as a slow fade from God, with every seeming denial from Him seeing my faith, my love, my hope in Him diminished. These were replaced by anger, numbness, bitterness and going through the motions of life; lost, in hiding, in pain, apathetic, just tired.
“Carry me when I cannot
Breathe for me when I cannot
See me when I cannot be seen
Hear me when I do not have words to say a word.
Thank you Lord for you see me
For you know
You see
Nothing is hidden from you
Even when the feet fail
You come
You see
You know
Breathe for me Lord for I cannot on my own
Carry me and take the burdens I am carrying
I am lost, find me
Restore me,
Love me
See me.”
I wrote this poem because I was looking for a song to best express the turmoil in me. I realized I did not know of one so I wrote this. I have been crying a lot but all is good, I am now able to genuinely laugh and that is a gift to me. The healing is just beginning, I am in the act of surrendering, on my knees, in my Father’s loving arms as he heals and molds me.
Truly the Lord has been gracious and generous to me. Although I am weak reed, He has not bruised me.
Call to Action:
Ask the Lord to show you people around you on whom you can love on, maybe invite them over for a meal or meet for coffee.are hurting ask Jesus to show you Love in a language that you can understand.
If you are hurting ask Jesus to show you Love in a language that you can understand
Pray for one another in your Hub or as the Lord leads
Be gracious and generous to yourself and others
About the Author:
Ruth is passionate about helping facilitate healing for people lost in addiction. Through discipleship and counseling, she has seen many individuals in Kenya and elsewhere in the world find freedom in Christ. She is an All Nations field worker based in Nairobi, Kenya under the Kampala hub.
Ruth’s testament of Jesus’s victory in her own journey of healing from addiction can be viewed and purchased at https://amzn.to/2YF9ci0
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Lessons from the Least, the Last, and the Lost, All Nations Weekly Devotion by Blake Staton, M.Div.
All Nations Pocket Guide to Church Planting by Dr. Pam Arlund (in many languages)
All Nations Storytelling Resource
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