Relearning to inhale before exhaling
Photo by Markus Spiske via Unsplash
The proverbial saying is true; you cannot give what you don’t have. I knew this, but circumstances and choices I recently made enabled me to relearn it all over again.
Earlier this year, my niece Esther was born. Unlike my other nieces and nephew, I was involved almost from the beginning. After all ,my only sister was expecting a child. Behold, the baby (married and in her late 20s) of our family was having a baby.
It was communicated earlier on that I was the one to help nurse her. And finally the day came and instead of rushing to her home, I sat in my house for hours praying and asking for help. I imagined the work ahead and freaking out, neither of us (my sister, her husband and I) had ever taken care of a newborn. Being the oldest, I knew there were unspoken expectations of me, especially from my family.
I was asked for strength to serve my sister, not for her nor for my family, but unto the Lord.
Somewhere along the way, I began getting cranky, it felt like I was merely existing and not thriving. I was not excited about client work or serving my sister- (I still did it but the joy of serving was gone). This was made harder by a decision I am in the process making about going to graduate school. What had seemed possible and sure somehow became scary. The process of application gave me anxiety and had me ultimately asking if it is necessary.
I didn’t get cranky because of helping my sister but somehow in the month of December and January I spent taking care of others and forgot about me. The introvert in me had not recharged. I was spent emotionally, spiritually, physically and mentally.
Things began turning around when I had a meeting with Sister Anita (she had coached me during a 10 day silent retreat in July 2020 and we have kept touch since then) and she asked about my quiet time. Of course, it was non existent I was not listening and I didn’t have the mental capacity to sit still.
God also provided a chance for me to attend a two day in-house training on coffee growing. The opportunity was a gift to learn while others took care of me. In short, the two days felt like what I imagine Jesus received when he went to Lazarus’ home. I unwound.
While on transit to my house after the training was over I slept in the two buses that I took to get home and further blacked out after getting to the house (There was something about having no one expect anything from me that allowed me to let go and actually sleep).
I had experienced burnout and thus was deliberate about recharging. I only let two friends know I was around and when one needed help in good consciousness I told them “No”.
With rest, I now could hold sound conversation without feeling like someone was draining life out of me, and my prayer life began thriving. In one of my silent times I was worshiping God using the words
“Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Heaven and earth are full of your glory
Hosanna in the highest”
Unexplainable joy flushed in me as I saw God anew in His Might, Able and Faithful. Eventually I saw beauty in everything including the dust that seemed to be covering Nairobi (it had not rained in a while), in the people and in the awesomeness of God’s glory. It was everywhere (the state of spiritually numbness was over). I was a new creature.
I have since learned that:
God is all knowing: He knows when we have reached our limit and provides the rest we need.
It is okay to take time off to recharge physically, mentally, spiritually and emotional.
It is okay to say no.
I need to inhale before exhaling
Questions to Consider:
Have you experienced burnout?
What are your symptoms of burnout?
How do these affect aspects of your life?
Is Jesus asking you to rest in Him?
How do you ask for help?
About the Author:
Ruth is passionate about helping facilitate healing for people lost in addiction. Through discipleship and counseling, she has seen many individuals in Kenya and elsewhere in the world find freedom in Christ. She is an All Nations field worker based in Nairobi, Kenya under the Kampala hub.
Ruth’s testament of Jesus’s victory in her own journey of healing from addiction can be viewed and purchased at https://amzn.to/2YF9ci0
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