We Treat Each Other Graciously and Generously
Photo credit: Tim Mossholder via Unsplash
And Don’t Forget to Be Kind to Yourself
Earlier this week, I asked my 6-year-old daughter what it means to “treat each other graciously and generously,” and she wrote me a list. It included:
Giving
Loving
Hearing
Praying
Serving
Hugging
Manners
Making
Playing
Reading it over, I said, “This is good stuff. Do you want to write my blog post?” She was absolutely right. As believers, we are to “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you,” (Ephesians 4:32, NLT).
But my daughter had better things to do than write my blog — like navigate the emotional minefield that is her brother right now. My son is 3 years old, and he’s in that wonderful stage we like to call “threenager.” He can be absolutely gentle as a lamb, thoughtful, attentive to incredible detail, and totally goofy and giggly.
But when he can’t do something the way he wants, or if he doesn’t want to do what I’ve asked him to, or if he’s really tired...you better take cover. We’ve endured screaming, thrown objects, and even the dreaded, “I hate you!” Seriously, when he said that last one, I was so shocked. How does a 3-year-old get that kind of vocabulary?
But once the dust has settled and he’s calmed down again, I can tell he feels really ashamed of the way that he acted. He typically can’t look me in the eye or will avoid being in the same room with me when I try to talk to him. But in the moments that he’s willing to share, I tell him, “When you yell at me or Sister or throw things at us, you feel bad, don’t you? You know what that feeling is? It’s called shame. It’s a yucky feeling Satan puts inside us, and God really wants to help you take it away!”
We sit together, pray, and ask forgiveness, and sometimes it sinks in, and sometimes it doesn’t. And that’s okay. He’s 3. It doesn’t all have to come together at this moment.
Honestly, I’m 33, and this is still something that I have to remind myself. It’s really easy for shame and self-hate to burrow into my heart and stay there. It’s easy for me to believe a lie that I’m not a good enough mom. Or that when I get angry at my kids, I’m a total monster. But God really does want to help me take it away.
The brilliant singer-songwriter Andrew Peterson has a wonderful song about this called “Be Kind to Yourself.” It goes like this:
You got all that emotion that's heaving like an ocean
And you're drowning in a deep, dark well
I can hear it in your voice that if you only had a choice
You would rather be anyone else
I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He made your precious heart
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself
I know it's hard to hear it when that anger in your spirit
Is pointed like an arrow at your chest
When the voices in your mind are anything but kind
And you can't believe your Father knows best
I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He's shaping your heart
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself
How does it end when the war that you're in
Is just you against you against you
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies too
You can't expect to be perfect
It's a fight you've gotta forfeit
You belong to me whatever you do
So lay down your weapon, darling
Take a deep breath and believe that I love you
If we could all just take a minute to silence all the voices in our heads that are screaming that we are junk and really, truly believe that we’re loved by a Father, wouldn’t our lives be so much better?
Our Father can take all our tantrums. Whether it’s my 3-year-old son who is struggling to put words into asking forgiveness, or my 33-year-old self who is struggling to believe that God is shaping me as a parent and growing me into the next degree of glory, it really is true: He loves you.
So, yes, we “treat each other graciously and generously,” but I just wanted to remind you: that includes YOU too!
I want to hear from you. What’s the lie you’ve been believing that’s stopping you from understanding that God loves you the way you are?
About the Author:
Calle Ferguson left her home in Oklahoma to serve as a field worker with refugees in Hamburg, Germany, with her husband, Jacob, and two children, Rory and Ian.
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