Scales Falling Off
Photo by Parker Gibbons on Unsplash
“And immediately there fell from his eyes as it had been scales: and he received sight forthwith…” Acts 9:18 KJV
Have you been blind to something that others around you saw and were frustrated that you couldn’t see?
The blindness in this case is not absence of sight. I am talking about when an individual cannot see who they are, especially regarding their identity in Christ and their inheritance as children of God.
I have been blind and I believe the most frustrated person was my mother. One of her monologues may sound like this: “Ruth, you know so many people, you are articulate and well-spoken, what is the problem, my child?” Sometimes I respond and other times I am simply silent.
How could I move forward or ask for help when I was blind? Why I did not believe it? The scales needed to fall off and one such area was finances. For as long as I can remember I have had this dysfunctional relationship with money. Several months ago as I was doing a week of guided prayers with Sister Anita, who serves with the Anglican Church in Wales, the Lord opened my eyes. I was praying Jeremiah 31:10-14, it spoke of God providing for the society and also for the ministers; my reaction to these promises was astonishingly sad. I remember being very skeptical - it’s not that I didn’t believe that God could provide, but for me? That's ridiculous. I believed wealth happened to others and not to me.
I asked the Lord to show where this lie began and He reminded me of a memory in my childhood. My mum had bought serving bowls and automatically I assumed she was running an errand for the church and so the bowls were the property of the church. I guess I had learned to expect all the good stuff she brought home to belong to the church, and unknowingly my heart had become sick - hope deferred makes the heart sick. So when she replied that these belonged to us, I was shocked. The Holy Spirit helped me recall the feeling I experienced that day. The feeling was, do you mean we can afford these? I believe the other place at that time I had seen similar bowls was at one of my neighbors' homes. I knew them to be rich and even now when they buy cars and houses, it’s expected because it’s them. It was quite an awakening to know I have lived over 30 years believing this lie.
On that day the Lord helped me see the truth, who He is and His heart for me as His child. He spoke to me through the story of the prodigal son, focusing on the older brother who didn’t know he had a right to all his Father owned. All he had to do was ask, and because of not knowing this, he was a very resentful man. I too have been a resentful person yet all I needed/need to do is ask the Lord what to and He provides for me.
It’s amazing that this happened in February of 2021 yet I haven’t quite grasped the lesson. I am still wrestling with this truth - I am finding instances that I am leading myself, when I want to go out there in the world and try my own luck. Despite how things look at the moment, I know the Lord is changing me gradually and slowly the scales are falling off.
The year that passed felt difficult, at least in my recollection. I felt mostly numb, angry, empty and lost, especially towards God. However, God did come through for me in ways that I never knew could happen. Each time when these feelings were too much and could have drowned me, He provided an opportunity for training and community that came up and happened to be the thing I needed.
One such opportunity was being linked to a lady by the name of Sue Moore with forgivenmuchministries.org. She has been speaking to me about the goodness of God. Most of the time I could not see it, and in passing I told her, “I am a few steps away from walking away from God’s work and trying my chances in the world.” The more I thought about it, I realized how easy it is to remain angry at God and just slip away, so I prayed a desperate prayer, “Lord help me to not leave you!”
The battle as I write this is real yet unreal - mostly it’s all in my mind. When I sit and ponder the truth that the Lord has provided my daily bread, in opposition there is this insane drive that shows me what I lack. Sometimes (more often than I should) I listen to that voice, I have listened to the enemy.
What I am most grateful for at this moment is that the Lord is keeping me from leaving Him. As I enter a season of nourishment and receiving from Him and others, I know that even as Saul/Paul received from God and Ananias, I too will receive my sight.
Kindly be praying for me for me to live the truths that the Lord has shown me and for Him to continue opening my eyes to see me as He sees me.
Call to action:
Ask the Lord to show you where you have scales that are hindering you from seeing His truth in your life.
Pray for one another in your Hub or as the Lord leads
About the author: Ruth is passionate about helping facilitate healing for people lost in addiction. Through discipleship and counseling, she has seen many individuals in Kenya and elsewhere in the world find freedom in Christ. She is an All Nations field worker based in Nairobi, Kenya under the Kampala hub.
Ruth’s testament of Jesus’s victory in her own journey of healing from addiction can be viewed and purchased at https://amzn.to/2YF9ci0.
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