What do you do with your sense of calling when it’s not time to fulfill it?

I woke up at 4am to a very dark and cold morning. The quiet hours before a household explodes with activity are precious to a mom. It’s a time to reflect, prepare, get a head start on the day…an uninterrupted time of hot coffee with Jesus.

Seasons change quickly in the Northwest. Just a few weeks ago it was blazing hot, and we were sitting by the side of the pool cheering for our children on the swim team. Now, we’re unpacking winter boots from storage, preparing for the long winter ahead. The chickens have an upgraded, insulated coop, a new heated water system, fresh hay, and have stopped laying eggs until they too adjust to the season.

The psalmist reveals that we are like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season. It’s futile to fight against a season. As hard as I might try, I can’t force my chickens to lay eggs. We don’t run around in shorts and flip flops in the dead of winter. Fighting against a season produces an attitude of striving. It’s like an irregular heartbeat, or an off-key song. Psalm 46:10 exhorts us to “Cease striving and know that I am God.”

In this season, my heart is wrestling with a surrender to my assignment. I will confess that as a mom with a deep sense of calling, intermixed with my identity, it’s a struggle to not view my own children as an obstacle to that calling. Through this struggle, God is revealing that my sense of self worth should not come from tasks completed, outward approval, or goals met. It comes from his looking not at my achievements, but seeing me through the perfect and complete work of the cross.

When our youngest child was still a toddler, she had a drowning accident. Our home in South Africa had a pool, and she crept through an open gate and fell in. God, in his unfathomable grace, sent her back to us. At the very least, she survived ten minutes under water. Those ten minutes changed our lives.

It took years for my nervous system to heal and regulate after the accident. Raising her to explore, teaching her to swim, allowing her to grow in confidence and not helicopter parent has taken extreme self-awareness. The afterglow of joy surrounding her miraculous testimony still hasn’t worn off, seven years later.

Then the seizures started. Epilepsy. Sensory processing disorder. Autism. We continue to contend for her healing, break off generational curses, and battle enemies in the land of milk and honey. Parenting a special needs child is my home assignment.

The conflict of wanting to be out on mission yet called to the hidden ministry of motherhood involves being at peace with tension and learning how to re-route the passion, conviction, and drive to serve Christ through joyful obedience and surrender.

As a task oriented person, motherhood can leave me feeling unfulfilled and unaccomplished. When can I say that self-control has been accomplished? Or that love is complete? That patience can be crossed off the list? Yet the work of discipleship has never been about a checklist. Our spirits are cut from the same cloth as the Holy Spirit, and discipleship is about tending to the fruits of the spirit. Nurturing the vine. Cultivating the soil. Embracing the change of seasons and trusting that whatever we do will prosper.

Missions is an appeal to change the status quo. See the people groups reached. It’s an ordered process, measured by percentages, numbers, and regions. Once you’ve lived among the unreached, it’s impossible to unsee the need. The urgency of the gospel is compelling.

Motherhood employs a different navigational system. Much like Abraham trusted that somehow his offspring would be as numerous as the stars, motherhood is trusting that our promises and calling will be fulfilled. It requires a continual laying down at the altar, of the most precious of gifts. It’s not either/or, it’s both/and.

It’s embracing each season, from the care of newborns to the launching of young adults, to the surprising, challenging assignment of a special needs child. Motherhood is enrolling in a school of divine partnership with God, and becoming his commanding officer. Through grace, goodness, and a heart of devotion to Christ we get to disciple those who will disciple the nations. Don’t we call that a movement?

About the author: Molly has been in the ministry since 1996 where she and her husband Gert have served around the world as missionaries and pastors in the United States, South Africa, and Nepal. Their hearts are for the unreached peoples of the world, specifically in Central Asia, and to disciple believers to walk in purity and freedom.

In 2020 they partnered with Sexuality Unmasked, a ministry focused but on healing, deliverance, and restoration from the negative effects of sexual sin: abortion, abuse, molestation, adultery, immorality, pornography, rape, sexual confusion, and sex trafficking.

Sexuality Unmasked's powerful message exposes the lies in culture that falsely define the sexual roles of men and women and helps establish them in their true God-given identities. This movement has released healing to thousands of people worldwide through conferences, churches, and discipleship schools.

They have six children, and carry a message of life flowing from home where they home-educate, create + strategize business innovation, and lead a home church. They currently serve with All Nations and are seconded to Sexuality Unmasked based out of Spokane, WA.

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